I am Amazed....

God simply amazes me. I went to a retreat last weekend and like I have never felt closer to God before in my life. God has brought a person into my life that makes me think and is making me deal with some of the things that have been creeping into my soul. It's really amazing to me how God can use people to be instrumental in the healing of hurts.........

Why.........

I don't even know where to begin.... What if I really was supposed to marry Daniel, I mean we called each other future husband and wife growing up and like I dunno, listening to everyone he was like everything I ever asked for.
What I've asked for:
loves God
loves music/ sings!
loves the outdoors

those were the three main things...

The three main things people talked about with Daniel
Loves God!
loves music/ sings!
loves the outdoors

what better way to spend an quiet evening than out hiking or around a bonfire or riding a bike on a trail somewhere. its just like man if I had stayed close to him and we had kept up on the friendship would things be different today? would the colleges we were going to be different. would i have been talking to him and keeping him from his bike trip?.............

Daniel's the lucky one though. He's in heaven now with God, there's NOTHING that can compare to that.... but it doesn't really make things easier for those of us down here.......

this was Daniel's favorite song:
Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, LordStill I will say...Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord, Blessed be your name

What to say.......

I don't really know what I want to say today..... How do you appreciate what you have? I've always been a thankful person, but God has really blessed my life and I've started to take things for granted... I dunno..........

I wanted to post a couple of things about my friend that died....

I wrote this little something in English class the day I found out.....

Daniel Duncan~ March 8, 1990- September 3, 2008
Daniel was a great friend. We had been friends since infancy and growing up had even called each other future husband and wife. I regret not being as close to him as we got older but we lived far away from each other and keeping in contact wasn't easy. I guess I thought he would always be around and we would always be friends. Last night he was riging his bike and was hit by a drunk driver, and suddenly my friend is gone.... Just like that, the reckless decision of someone to drive while drunk stole the life of an 18-year-old boy.


At his funeral there was a program thing but there was also a little card that said In Memory... On the inside left, below his picture, were these words:

Isaiah 57

The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.

Those who walk upright enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.


I think when someone dies we mourn for ourselves. I'm not sorry that Daniel is in heaven, worshiping God as he would want to. I'm sorry because I've lost my opportunity to know even more about this great guy.

As I listened to people talk as his funeral I realized that EVERYTHING I had ever asked for in a guy was found in the guy I had jokingly called my future husband my whole life. And now he's gone. forever just like that......

Confused

I feel like life is throwing curve ball after curve ball and I have to try to hit each one far enough to make a homerun. I don't think I can explain my feelings exactly, I don't even think I really know what they are. I'm frusterated because I feel like I'm not learning as fast as I need to in my classes at school. I'm doing well and making good grades, I dunno. I wish that God would just smack me in the head and I would know without a doubt exactly what I'm supposed to do every day. But that's not the way it works.
I don't feel like I'm exactly the girl I'm supposed to be. I love God but don't have enough of a relationship with Him. As a pastor's daughter everything in my life is to be right in order and people can't imagine me having a problem, but I'm human just like everyone else. I hunger for more of God but I'm not quite sure how to grab hold and hang on. All I want is to crawl into his lap and be comforted but I don't know how to find that place. I don't feel like I've fallen away from God, I just don't that I have ever spent enough time with Him. I guess my first order of business is to pray even more and dig deep into my Bible.

I was amazed when I went to my friends funeral because his life verse was Jeremiah 29:11. This is a verse that has carried me through quite a bit and its actually on my high school graduation ring. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.... God knows exactly what will happen in my life. Who I'll meet, What I'll say, How I'll affect that person.... I just hope that I can be as like God as humanly possible. I want God's light to shine through me. It's not easy but I know that I want to live my life as a living example of what God can do in a person. Now if I can just get there....

Trusting God

Sometimes I wonder why things happen. I mean yeah there is always a reason but I like to know the reason and sometimes you don't know. Recently a friend of mine died. He was 18 years old. He was killed by a drunk driver while riding his bike. When I found out I felt like my heart had been ripped out. We went up to the funeral and I saw all of his family for the first time in a long time and it was like. Whenever we would go up to visit, my brothers and I would kind've "buddy off" with the siblings we always hung out with. When we were up there I kept looking for my buddy just like by instinct. And he never showed up. It was a really hard weekend but I was so glad I had gone because I was able to be there for his family if they needed me. man sometimes life is hard and you just don't understand. Thankfully I have God to keep hope alive. I really believe that Daniel's legacy will live on through those of us who are left behind. And my "future husband" is now where he always knew he really belonged